down to memphis.

paradoxicalities.

{quote; John O'Donohue}

Sometimes I try to figure things out.

I like to separate everything into different categories, and then bring them all to together. 

Very nicely. And very understandable. 

My mind just likes to work in this way so that I have some sort of control over myself and situations and other people.

I think it's natural, for most, to want to have everything figured out; to feel like they have a hold on things, that they understand.

But I don't think that's fair, to life or to myself...or to anyone else.

I don't think it's all as predictable and planned out as I'd like to think.

If life was made to be lived, then surely it wasn't meant to be lived all the same way. There are going to be people and things that don't seem to fit what we know. But that's paradox, and that's life...it can't all be reasoned just exactly as we want it.

It breaks my own bubble when I think about things like this, and of course a little part of me hurts with the realization.

Truly, though I wouldn't want it any other way. 

Not everything is a puzzle for me to figure out and then put back in the box.

If it was then I think things would be too boring and too easy.

babes.

"..getting your needs met is the baby end of faith."

-Graham Cooke

growing is forever

Growing is Forever from Jesse Rosten on Vimeo.

a winter song..

Hear the snowflakes falling, winter’s calling my name.

The silent song she’s singing, what’s she trying to say

Can I fall like glory, to wash your year away

All that remains was really meant to stay

Come and clothe me winter, I really need a change

With silent redemption, cover me in grace

Hear the song of beauty, melodies and sounds

Cover you in white love, a joy you lost but now you found

Sing, sing, winter, sing me your silent song.

chrismis and baked goods!

I

home to this:

A wonderful Christmas full of baking and adorable family!

עָמַק

It always amazes me that I'm able to learn in every type of situation. Even the crappiest of circumstances can bring unexpected growth that couldn't have come in another way or from another time.

I'm glad to be able to look back at the time I've had now and be grateful for the new ways that my character has developed.

And isn't that what we're supposed to do...at the core?
Enjoy the life that we've been given in this crazy-beautiful, miraculous world, and that means the depth as well.

Sometimes I think that I can mistake things that are full of depth and pain and struggle as dark when really they're just full of an emotion or experience that I haven't come to know.
And that's not bad, it doesn't mean that it's a dark situation just because it looks different to what I know.

Like in the movie Chocolat, the young boy has a "darker" side to him, struggling with oppressing who he really is from his mother. He's an amazing artist at such a young age, but he knows that his depictions of death are not what he "should" be doing in his mother's eyes. But another relative realizes his talent and his need to express things that are going on in his life. She encourages not darkness in a bad sense, but depth in the way that it releases him from his feelings and helps him to grow.

It's such a vulnerable and beautiful thing to be able to embrace depth (עָמַק).
When contradictions come up in life it's easy to blame yourself and treat your own life with a sort of disdain because you're not who or what you thought you were.
But being able to be flexible, to move with life and show grace to your soul and your self shows wisdom.

"Beauty likes to keep away from the public glare.

 It likes to find a neglected or abandoned place, 

for it knows that it is only here it will meet the kind of light 

that repeats its shape, dignity, and nature."

-Ezra Pound

cape town

;

Kalk Bay, Cape Town, South Africa

It’s beautiful here; just fresh and lovely!

The photography school has just started so I don’t have much to say about it yet.   

We’ve taken a few photos and gotten some feedback, so we’re just learning the mechanics and figuring out composition as well. 

So lots of practice, and hopefully lots of learning…we’ll see. :)

soul map

"Too often people try to change their lives by using the will as a kind of hammer 

to beat their life into proper shape. The intellect identifies the goal of the program, 

and the will accordingly forces the life into that shape. This way of approaching the 

sacredness of one's own presence is externalist and violent. It brings you falsely 

outside yourself, and you can spend years lost in the wilderness of your own 

mechanical spiritual programs."

-John O'Donohue

dave-o

 

My little brother left for college today..part of me just can't believe, it's weird.

He's the best little brother a sister could ask for I mean look at that little face..no wonder this:

 

happened so much :)

But we truly have a relationship that I doubt many other siblings have. 

For one, we love each other, and we admit it!

And I admire him, he's such a smart guy and the most giving person that I've ever met. Ever since he was a wee one it's given him joy to give to others. That's something that I've always envied about him; not many people really feel that blessed to give and have it be so natural, not forced at all.

But it's time for him to spread his wings..hahahaha. (I couldn't help it)

He will update all the time though, right Dave????

dear soul..

Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
      Why are you crying the blues?
   Fix my eyes on God—
      soon I'll be praising again.
   He puts a smile on my face.
      He's my God.

That was from David (Psalm 42), and he's struggling. He's struggling to remember God when it seems everyone is telling him that God's not there anymore.

He knows that He's near, for He's always close, but the talk of others seems to prevail at times.


I just love knowing David struggled with his soul; he struggled with not being "happy" all the time.

But he knew how to overcome it; he fixed his thoughts on the things God had done before. Proving He was there and showing to himself how good he always knew God was.

Sometimes it takes a little reminder of how wonderful He is even if it's not apparent in that moment.

It is the spirit that gives life; the flesh is useless. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.

John 6:63

Jesus-qualities

Lately I've been figuring myself out; how to be truly me all of the time. And finding out who God has made me to be is freeing and also a little scary. Parts of me aren't the most attractive or "cool," but I know that we all have something different about us; something inexplicable that ultimately shows a part of Jesus when we let it out. I wish I could say I knew exactly what that was for myself, or others, but I don't. I just know that when I am truly myself, who He has made to be, that quality shines forth.
I read somewhere that we as people/Christians have this idea that we must become/improve in every are that we are lacking. We're always striving to be that "perfect person," having every quality that seems noble. That's quite a strain.. I think that yes, people have things that they have to work on in their life, we're never perfect, but adopting this "idea" is saying that you don't need anyone else. There's a reason we're different, and we can feed off of each other in our weaknesses. We learn from each other and lean on each other when we're in a situation that we're not equipped to handle.
It takes time for all these Jesus-qualities to develop in a person, so one day we'll all be like Him, it's just gonna take a while..

Idea

The strain and longing,
they huff and give.

Thought comes
and seems so right.

A thought with an origin of low;
instilled all the same.

But more and more
is gone from them,
Try, strip.

Just beyond,
hope fading--still present.

Questions arise,
Hope to smash.

But all seems gone,
the feeling felt.

Though they know
they fake a smile.

Too late, who they were is gone
Who they were made to be is scoffed.

Lost in that thought,
unable to see their light.

all this beauty

"The heart is where the nature, feeling and intimacy of a life dwell, and without heart the world grows suddenly cold. In its desire for beauty, it reaches toward the beyond. This poignant desire for beauty suggests that beauty is the homeland of the heart…. When God created [the heart], it was fashioned for an eternal kinship with beauty; God knew that the human heart would always be wedded to him in desire; for the other name of God is beauty. The heart is the tabernacle of divine beauty. St John of the cross puts this poetically:

I did not have to ask my heart what it wanted
Because of all the desires I have ever known,
Just one did I cling to
For it was the essence of all desire:
To know beauty.

-John O-Donohue